| i wish i was..homeward bound |
[Dec. 27th, 2003|09:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | simon and garfunkel! | ] |
ahhhh. first of all, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HANNUKAH!
i had a really great one. seriously.
1)tuesday: got home, went to work and made $35, then found out acting was cancelled, which was cool, and walked home. had another serious conversation with alex abt shtuff. meh. then was so tired, tried to be productive but nothing happened, so i went to sleep.
2) wednesday: alex came at like 11, then we hung out for a while, got the garage fixed, then walked downtown in the pouring rain and ate at gourmet heaven. and i bought my mom the earrings she wanted. ellie bellie came to meet us and gave my my awesome gifty...and met alex, which was her main purpose i believe haha. thennn we went home, chilled out, monster came over and gave me my presents- WHICH ARE AWESOME AND BEAUTIFUL!! i love them! and then mom and i went to church- really wonderful service, with beautiful music that made me really want to start going every sunday. argh. while we were gone, my dad and alex talked about yale and went over all his essays, etc. they had a wonderul time, including tea and cookies! hah! so there we are. then the 4 of us watched muppet christmas carol and then went out to union league cafe at 8:45, had a drink in the bar for a while, then had dinner, which was FABULOUS, and included a glass of champagne for moi. oui! it was truly excellent, and a great bonding experience for the family and the boyfriend. they love him. :) then went home, and went to SLEEP!
3) christmas! woke everyone up at 9, and had WONDERFUL success in getting everyone (including alex!) to put on christmas socks! haha. then we all had tea and opened our wonderul gifties! yay! i opened my stocking, etc. and then the stand for my new...eMac!!!!!!!!!!!! it is BEAUTIOUS!!!! oh, and then, my iPod!!!!! from alex! which was engraved...yay<3 so my new christmas toys go together! and then smarty set them all up, and they're up and running famously! i love it! then we had a wonderful brunch, and showered, and sarah and joe came over, and we had a great dinner at about 6. whew. what a day! it was wonderul and fab. and saying goodbye to alex wasnt as bad as it used to be..because we know its going to work, and...yeah. then went home and played with my new toys til about 1.
4) friday: left town at 11:30 for penn. and got here at abt. 5:30, matching our record of only one stop along the way! wow, we're awesome. listened to my excellent iPod the whole 6 hours! mwahahaha. got here, ate chicken stew made my wonderful cousin, aaron. then watched old slides from christmases starting about 12 years before me. my aunt and uncle converted all their old slides onto iPhoto about 6 months ago. it's really awesome. and i love seeing them, because it really is educational about my heritage and family history and all that. it made me miss my grandpa and my great-aunt dorothy; both died within 8 months of eachother- my grandpa in march of 2003. anyway. then cute baby slides of MOI! yay! then watched some news, then went to sleep at 11:30.
5) saturday: got up at 9:30, ate some cereal, talked to aunt janice, who had been up since 4. what a nut! then got showered and dressed, and helped with our midday meal- our family tradition of 2 christmas dinners, so we can be here! aw. i love my famdamily! so it was vernon, angela (my aunt's parents) grandma, my great-aunt sarah, my uncle laur, cousin aaron, aunt janice, and my mom. it was good stuff. then we opened presents- which i made out like a bandit with!!!! yeah, okay- i got a lifetime present from my great-aunt sarah, which, when i opened, i almost fell off my chair. something totally unexpected, and something amazing. so ask me and you shall find out! and here we are now. im going to sleep soon, im sooo tired again. all that family and food! whew.
i hope everyone is good, and well, and all that. i miss my explo friends, and im feeling really guilty for not calling anyone. like andrew, jenny, john, greg, yeahhhh. its sad. i know. i need to! okay, im going. ill see you all soon...
you know you love me! |
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| gray and dreary day |
[Dec. 11th, 2003|03:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mix- john and dave | ] |
ahh. so here we are again.
things with alex are really good. i realized how much i really love him, and that i think we belong together. even though he's far away, and all the shit that's gone down between us, and as emma says, "there's a reason that we broke up." yeah there is, but we've gotten past it.
now the thing is, he's scared that i'll hurt him again. i just can't even describe how that feels. i mean, he has every right- i'm not angry about it, but to know that the person i care about the most is scared to love me, and that i have enough power to hurt him that badly....
wow. it's insane. i never thought i would be here now. he said on the phone last night, "isn't it weird to think that we could have never met?" it's so true. and how he told me he loved me after about a week.
ahhhh. some things in life are so wonderful. and they can also be so painful. well. c'est la vie.
and i think ryan and i are going to be good friends. which is what i want. and it's gonna be okay. im not angry at him at all anymore. he apologized and so did i, and so..yeah. i am, however, angry at someone else. but that's something that will probably never ever be resolved. so we'll live.
AHHH. he's coming on saturday. he said that he knows for sure he wants to be with me, and just to give it a little time. as in, after the holidays. but as a wise man named john (mayer) once said, "no one wants to be alone at christmas time." so true. but now im so frustrated because i know he's all i want, and i cant have him. GRARAR. all good things in life are worth the wait. i know, i know.
SO IN OTHER NEWS! you can guess what's on my mind haha. CIC BAKESALE TOMORROW 1-3 PERIODS! GET EM WHILE THEY'RE HOT!
yeah woo hoo. you know you wanna come.
anyway. i have godujjfsjhgkuitgigvhsjking violin today. that damn piece of striny wood. GR. woooooo. ok. time to go get ready and bake some brownies.
btw:
work is AWESOME! i love my job!
and school is eh. boring. and stupid. and i hate the damn people. oh well. i get through.
adios ya'll |
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| blahhh |
[Dec. 5th, 2003|02:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | paul simon- i know what i know | ] |
well. long time no write. a lot has happened.
i got a job!
saw john mayer
saw simon and garfunkel
hung out with my beyond awesome fam-damily...and my monster
i broke up with ryan:(
..besides the last one, i think my life is going pretty ok. although i am starting to have pretty frequent mood swings. not so good. oh well.
i'm goin to graceland...
so anyway. christmas is a-comin, the geese are getting fat...you know the rest. my daddy used to sing that to me:-D
ok well, im off to my first day of worky worky!
i miss jenny! i wrote her like a mondo long letter and sent pictures- hopefully a visit to her in the spring is coming...and to visit my sis in toledo too. yay!
ok, well. if you want to talk to me, beachbabe3913.
ta-ta for now, ya'll
p.s.... im going to have a good relaxing weekend. and go to nyc on sunday...to go skating in rockefeller center! yay!!
p.p.s. "hi derek! my name is little cletus! i'm here to teach you about child labor laws. they're silly and out-dated. in the old days, kids could work for free. yippee!!!" haha zoolander...woooooo ok im gone! |
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| well HERE I AM AGAIN...guess i have no life :-/ |
[Nov. 16th, 2003|12:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bang bang-disptach | ] |
i always love finding new journals to read..mosly people that i've met, or know from afar. of course that could make me a stalker...hmm ponder the thought.
so i stayed up till almost 4 talking to ryan. it was very deep....good stuff. i like him.
eeeeeeeee
almost 8 hrs of sleep...not too groovy, but oh well. GO AND WATCH PRETTY WOMAN RIGHT NOW... methinks it's my favorite movie. and listen to some dispatch, cuz they're effin awesome.
ahhhh...time to take a shower and then walk on over to books&co to meet my angry goon..wonder what's wrong. hmm. then to my daddios, then to ryans.
what in the hell to do about alex. gawrsh. i have no idea. ah well. c'est la vie. i tried to put the awesome pic of henry licking the tasty flagpole as my user pic, cuz it's THE MAN. but it's too big! s*?^&%^&(*&(
ehhhhhhhh......im tired. ok i must be off. gotta get my headphones and my CDman and boogie.
ill write later, considering this seems to be my new excuse for a lack of life. hah. that was a creative sentence.
peace it folks |
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| argh |
[Nov. 16th, 2003|02:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | NOTHING | ] |
why are guys so goddamn confusing?????
and yet so simple...
why am i still awake????????????????????????
more to the point.
ok goodnight. REALLY. cuz i dont want to hear bob cush talk about strip clubs anymore tonight. my brain might rot. |
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| convo |
[Nov. 16th, 2003|02:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | night noises | ] |
yeah....im having the weirdest convo with ryan rite now. i dont like this. and i cant see the keys to type. good night. |
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| mehhh |
[Nov. 15th, 2003|11:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | neon-JM *a week from monday!!!* | ] |
oh man. what an exhausting night of..well...nothing!
spent much of the day with my most favoritist person in the world- aka emma. who technically was grounded today, but shh! we went downtown, ate at gourmet heaven, etc. we're so crazy- to most, we may seem insane, but to us we're hysterical. "what is this ridiculous obsaysssion with LOVE?!" hahahaha woot. good times. i felt like shite tonite (who knows why) so i stayed home and did absoutely nothing except sat at this screen like the loser that we all know i am. ahhh. the hour is late.
so last nite, i went to the musical at the high school-carousel. good shtuff! and we had the best seats in the house- ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK! haha ryan and i sat w/ the rosenbergs...in the boonies of the theater. saw a bunch of people, including becky and mark! who i havent seen in FOREVER. fun times. ahh, and subway before the show- kevin gave me a discount that little sweetie. oh yes, and met the cool south african kid that avi's been talking about- pierre. crazy smoking fool. he was real cool tho. added to the experience.
ugh. im having a friend issue. those are the WORST kinds of issues, because you just feel so mean and self-centered. and CORNERED INTO A FREAKIN BOX I FEEL LIKE IM GONNA KILL SOMEONE! wha?? who said that?
see what i mean? i had a dream about it last night, during which i woke up to find myself thrashing around in bed- no joke- punching and kicking like my life depended on it. and i couldnt stop. this is a warning sign that my boundaries have been invaded...yeah. so i guess i need to talk to this person before i punch the life out of george, gus, or derek. if you know me, you would know who they are- the only boys i sleep with nowadays:-D
so. homecoming is in less than a week! my first real formal- im beyond excited. and i have to get shoes and a bag and my nails done and my hair done.....AHHH. at least i have my dress. its GORGEOUS- as only those crazy kids in my study hall would understand. la la la la la la....oh man, the mental pictures...! blegh.
whew. my fingers hurt. trivia: what adam sandler movie is this from? heh. sarah would know :)
i talked to gunnar today. he's good up there in cow country. says the skiing's good. well duh. i would give my right arm to be able to be skiing right now. i would do anything just to get out of the STATE right now. i need a vacation. mmhmm.
some crazy lady from my mom's dancing festival is staying at our casa this noche. ay. what do i live in, a friggin boarding house? anyways......
oki doki, i must sleep. so much caffeine today, it might be a few hours.
ryan's at the SHA formal. yeah. about that. anyway, i guess i'll find out how that went tomorrow.
12:30-dads
1:15-books and co with my favorite goon
2:30ish-ryans
meep meep. thats all folks.
wow i just realized...road runner and porky in the same statement. i miss loony toons. and the muppet show!! i just saw a whole bunch of muppet show shite at barnes and noble. LOVE that show. i cant wait till christmas so i can watch "the muppet christmas carol." okay, maybe i just cant wait till christmas :-D
nighty night, all you cool kids reading this...coughhenrycough. peace |
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| finally |
[Nov. 8th, 2003|09:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | just the loverly birds chirping | ] |
ok when i said end of the weekend, i guess i meant 2 weeks later... i suck at writing in these things, but oh well.
so i guess some stuff has happened lately, although nothing too fascinating. im really really happy with ryan. i love being able to see him every day at school, and to go to his house afterwards. everything is just so comfortable with him- i'm never worried about the stupid things i used to think about, it's just great to spend time with him. eeeee!
i've been seeing a lot more of emma lately..i kno i kno, when DON'T i see emma? but it's been a while since we've hung out like we used to last year, and that's finally started again. i missed my bestest friend:-D she's kinda having some problems with fish, which isn't too good...similar to my situation with alex i guess. so anyway, kinda rough times.
today im goin to the HH v. HOP game with sarah and alex...man just like last year. me and sarah were always at games together, it seems like just yesterday. i miss them a lot sometimes. this summer they were 2 of my best friends, and now i havent seen either of them in about 2 months. ugh. keeping in touch really is harder than i expected. but anyway.
i told alex the other nite about ryan. he took it pretty well, but then the next nite he asked me how long we'd been going out, and when i said 2 weeks he FLIPPED. we're talking major shitting of bricks.....oh man. so that was not a good situation, but its okay now. we talked A LOT. i realized that it had been weeks since i truly talked to him like we used to. i dont ever want to lose him completely, but i've lost him as much as need be for now. i realized that although i will always love him, i cant have that kind of relationship with him anymore. argh. honestly, even though i'm already so separated from him, it still feels so final to say. egh.
i love hamden. it's so different from HH...everything is so different this year. i love it i love it. anyways.
gunnar leaves tomorrow. he just apologized for being such an asshole, which i guess is good. he definitely made it easier that he's leaving by acting like that though. ill still miss him, hes a great guy...not like he isnt coming back in 2 weeks, but it's not the same. oy vey. i just... i dont know. never mind.
it is GORGEOUS out today. it's been nasty and rainy and gross for too long.
JOHN MAYER IN 16 DAYS!!!!!!
SIMON&GARFUNKEL IN 20 DAYS!!!!!!!
yeah this month is gonna be awesome. homecoming, 2 concerts, a really good play in NYC...yeah. woo hoo! i have to get my dress for homecoming!!!! score.
okay well i best be getting ready for this little hh reunion extravaganza. i think im going to go visit for the day on tuesday, but idk. its kinda scary to think about. AH. anyway. ok...peace out.
...this is a sucky entry but what can you do? |
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| good day |
[Oct. 24th, 2003|04:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | james taylor- "bittersweet" | ] |
hidee ho....
what a gorgeous day! i love fall:) its so pretty and leafy and changing seasons out- i love it. i had a good day today, as opposed to a bad night last nite. i talked to alex, and he was kinda mad, and then saying he missed me, and i realized i felt really awful. listening to the CDs he made me, etc. not that i miss him, and i wanna make that clear, because i thought about it a lot- i just miss the comfortable routine, and im definitely one for the regular, normal shtuff. so when something changes so much, im thrown off balance. it just made me sad to think about the summer, and how things are so different now. they're really good different- im so happy with ryan, and with everything about the high school, etc. but of course i think about alex, and i think about explo, and everything that happened this summer- most good, some bad. and i miss it sometimes- i miss jenny so much..i really wish i could see her every day. and i miss all the awesome friends i made there, like andrew and ross, and i miss seeing laur every day. but what can you do? its something great that i did, and it's in the past. move on, abby. ugh. but then i walk downtown, and i think about all the good times i had, and im such a sentimental freak anyway, so i just miss it.
and im happy with myself, because i'm doing well in school, which is more than i can say of myself last year. ahem. im happy with the a's and the b's too, because last year, they were c's, and i know im better than that. anyway. haha ryan i didnt misspell it this time:) so this weekend should be good- tonight, im going shopping downtown with ellie, and getting some nice shtuff for my bday, and tonight my mom will be out late, so i have the casa to myself. then tomorro, who knows in the morning, maybe ill sleep late. then at like 4, ryan, my sister and brother in law, my dad and joan are all coming over for a belated b-day dinner. it would be cool to get a whole new round of presents, but i think the only ones i'll be getting will be from sarah and joe. hee hee, i love birthdays. thennnnn sunday, alex is coming in the morning, to hang out and talk and be friends- it will be the first time i've seen him since we broke up, and im confident that i wont want to be anything but friends. im glad i can say that now. its such a good place to be. :)
then, at like 2:30, ryan emma and i are driving to east haddam to see fish and go to gillette's castle, which i've heard is awesome. so that should be a really pretty drive, and really fun too.
i got selected from my acting class to go see ernest borgnine (really famous actor from the 50s and 60s) on monday and have a seminar type thingie. its gonna be on TV and all that, so that's kinda exciting. woo hoo. haha...too much caffeine in the system haha. and stolen sushi for din din:)
ahh it was so nice- i was walking by larson, and evan from hh drove by, stopped, turned around, and gave me a ride home. yay. i love when stuff like that happens. and im home earlier too....just in time to practice...which im not doing yet...cuz im writing this... yeaaaa.
ahhhh.... study hall was hilarious today- dan, keith, casper, kevin (1 and 2) hahha.... wow that was great. "shut the hell up...HA HA HA HA" that dan is kinda crazy.
im happy with myself- i've got it all straight with gunnar now. it was kinda bugging me, cuz he looked so depressed and mad every time i talked to him recently. so we talked, and all i wish for him is that he wouldnt waste his time with stupid girls that are so immature, but whatever, i cant live his life for him. he's going away for prety much ever, in about 2 weeks. so that whole episode is over. and im reallllllllllly glad that i knew better than to like him too much, cuz i made the right choice, without a doubt. :) :)
mmmmm... so nice out. i should be outside playing in the leaves like i used to. ahh...what a cute little kid i was haha
i love fall...did i mention that? yeah well. i do. ok, i think this entry is long enough! i'll write by the end of the weekend, in case anyone reads this in the first place...haha. peace |
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| here it goes |
[Oct. 21st, 2003|04:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | bryan adams and james taylor | ] |
well, im finally joining the circle of livejournal freaks...haha just kidding i love you guys:) anyways, so im at the high school now, and its AWESOME. i'm having a few guy issues, but they seem to be past now, and im with KeeperofDerek haha..aka ryan:) which is part of my upcoming story...
i had the best 16 birthday yesterday! first of all, my mom got me the AWESOME hemp necklace i wanted from sunshine daydream, then my bestest friend emma made me a cake and cupcakes, and brought me coffeee and sushi for lunch! and then i got a bunch of "happy birthdays" from various people...then after school i got my presents from my dad and joan, and then got home. then gunnar came over and brought me flowers and THEN when my mom got home, we went to the cingular joint in north haven and got my BEAUTIFUL phone, aka twinkie hahaha
then...for the best part, i signed online when i got home, and ryan IMed me, and...
ASKED ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wow...so that made my day go from awesome to perfect..what a sweet 16:-D
but today ellie told gunnar about me and ryan and he got..idk weird i guess. so i feel bad. but he's leaving. oy vey-such issues!
and im so so so so happy for emma about fish, cuz he's AWESOME and she deserves that so much. so for now, i guess most people are happy. so that's good.
eh... im still so all over the place since i broke up with alex. i really really really like ryan and im so happy for him, im just such a freak that i second-guess everything like 9,000 times. but this is gonna be good. and its gonna last- i can tell:)
"whoa down in mexico
ive never really been so i dont really know
whoa mexico...the moon's so bright it can light up the night
and make everything alright.."
-james taylor "mexico"
yay im in a good mood:)
acting tonight! i better go eat dinner....yummy chicken |
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